So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
