Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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