My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
