Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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