Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
