I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
