I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I met the friendliest cop last night
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
