OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
This toilet bowl is my home.
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