I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
