Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize