the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
