I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
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I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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