I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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