I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
