I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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