my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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