His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
