Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
