Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
