dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
