well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
