I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
