sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize