my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
