you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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