I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
