How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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