so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
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Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just want to make out with him forever
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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