The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
