you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
