Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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