"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
