oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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