I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
