so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
