brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I am one with the molecules
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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