I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
