Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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