I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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