Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
