dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Randomize
