I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
