we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
