OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
