went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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