WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
