I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
