she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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