She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
zippers are such a cool invention
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
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