The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver