I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
