I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need a beard to bite.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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