Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We just shotgunned beers for America
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?