Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
