Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
