i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
