I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
