I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
