I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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