Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The maid of honor just puked.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
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The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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