I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
A bitchslap is in order.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
