can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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