Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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