he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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