I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Randomize
