dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Randomize
