I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
