he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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