it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
