She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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