the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You are a genius and a whore.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
