I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
