Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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